Monday, January 5, 2009

Chivalry and The Modern Woman.

So it started like this:-
(over msn, of course.)

Gaia (about a guy tryin' to woo her)
He's taking me to Bahrain for Valentine's!
Me (rather envious)
Ooooo la!
But I ain't letting him pay for the air fare
Me (the trip there ain't really expensive)
Why not? let him, lol
nah.. :)
yea i know what you mean
Though.. i have sometimes found disadvantages to our independent-women-type mindsets
sometimes? most of the time actually, but then cant help it..
Me (I ignored her comment and went on, but in retrospect I wonder why she'd think it's most of the time)
~~See, guys are supposed to be providers ,yea? But we're like hey, i can take care of myself! Almost everytime, the guy seemed offended if rejected.... and then they don't really offer help again. I think we get ousted from a category of women-who-need-men. It seems like we disrupt the innate nature of mans need to be the man for a woman. If we don't let 'em, they will do it for someone else to fulfil that sense of obligation.......
just experimenting with one of the species since i can study his behaviour lol. Does it make sense?
Gaia ( after 6 minutes)

yeah it does...
we shouldnt deprive them of their need.. :D
heh i know it sounds suspiciously beneficial to us, but when it comes to your own man- doesn't he need to feel he is being all man for you? Ensuring they are needed, so to say?

At this point, I realize she is actively ignoring me so I drift off wondering what might be the elusive accurate balance. If a guy is being nice to you, shouldn't you let him? Let him know he is taking care of you even though you may not need it? He offers to change your tyre, but you could've called the repair shop. You could've driven to that far away place by yourself, but he says he'll take you. We say we can do it ourselves, but we love a guy doing things for us as well. So why not just let 'em? Maybe this is how nature has filtered down mans nature of being a provider?
I tried so hard but I couldn't find a way to get rid of the idea that it looks like modern woman gets to have her cake and eat it too! Honest, it isn't.

I just found another link from a woman's persperctive.


Errant Gosling said...

Somewhere in the translation a concept is lost.

We know you can do it. Hell, we know you can probably do it better than we can. But we'd still like to do it for you, because we we doing it for you.

I think that because so many of these gestures were born out of the falsehood that women couldn't do something or other, that now, even though we know you can, the gesture is mistaken as a sign that we think you can't.

Asphodel said...

Heh I know, huh?

I think I should just highlight the other link so that the concept comes through better, lol!

katrocket said...

I think that some women mistake kind-hearted chivalry for a need to control, and assume that letting a guy do something nice for them somehow means that they give up power. But as long as there's a good balance between giving and taking in any relationship, why not just accept what's being offered?

It depends on the individuals, of course. Sure, there's men AND women who do nice things and have some hidden agenda, but I believe the majority of people just wanna do something kind or generous for someone else because it makes them feel good to do so.